


Shock

by nerdypipsqueak



Series: Fictober 2019 [20]
Category: A Dangerous Man: Lawrence After Arabia (1990), Lawrence of Arabia (1962), Seven Pillars of Wisdom - T. E. Lawrence
Genre: Drabble, Fictober 2019, Gen, Shellshock, trauma but nothing graphic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 07:14:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 367
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21114839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nerdypipsqueak/pseuds/nerdypipsqueak
Summary: Fictober prompt: You could talk about it, you know?Something happened to Lawrence while he was away on reconnaissance.





	Shock

Something's wrong with Lawrence.

Initially Gilman had put the man's deathly pallor and unfocused, disoriented gaze down to exhaustion. But now he's not so sure.  
Lawrence seems completely out of it, staring vacantly at a spot just above Gilman's shoulder. He'd been laughing mere minutes ago, laughing loudly and nervously like he's forcing himself to be merry.

There's a bruise on his face, shaped like the sole of a shoe. He keeps touching it lightly, fingertips just ghosting over the skin.  
He's laughing again now but there's no mirth in it, no joy. 

"What's so funny, Lawrence?" Boyle looks up from his book. 

"Nothing. Nothing." Lawrence scrambles out of his armchair, slowly and carefully as if in great pain. "I think I will have a bath and head to bed. It's been a very long couple of weeks."

"But you had a bath when you got here?!" 

This is odd, very odd, Gilman thinks. Lawrence is a bit unconventional but this... this is not unconventional. This is frighteningly similar to shellshock.  
But what could possibly scare a man so badly on a simple reconnaissance mission?

The next time Gilman runs into Lawrence the man is visibly upset. It's quite disturbing seeing him like this, white as death, trembling, wiping his eyes on the heel of his hand. The bruise on his face is still there, blue and purple and slightly green. It looks very nasty indeed.

"What's wrong?" Gilman dares to ask.

"Nothing." Lawrence's voice is hollow.

"Oh please! You're upset and shaken. And that bruise doesn't look like nothing to me. You can talk about it, you know? I'm a good listener."

"It's nothing. Just an... altercation with a Turkish patrol. Case of mistaken identity, you know." Lawrence lets out a high-pitched, slightly hysterical giggle. "It's nothing really."

"Alright. But if you want to talk about it you know where to find me." 

Lawrence just nods curtly and walks away.

All this is very odd, Gilman thinks. But come to think of it Lawrence had never been in a close combat situation before. He may just be bothered by whatever he's seen. That does sound reasonable to Gilman and he doesn't give the matter another thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Captain L. H. Gilman served with Lawrence in the Middle East and met him in Akaba when he returned from Deraa.  
Gilman described Lawrence after Deraa as being pale and visibly distraught (that is the exact word he used), this was quoted by John E. Mack in "Prince of our Disorder". Another officer, whose name I unfortunately couldn't find, also described Lawrence as having mood swings and faking cheerfulness.  
The bruise was spotted on a photo of Lawrence standing between some massive cacti and is discussed in J. N. Lockman's "Scattered Tracks on the Lawrence Trail".


End file.
